Using Mindfulness Be Proactive in a Reactive World – with Amaris Vicari

“When we focus a little but more and hone in on mindfulness in the workplace  . . . John Kabbat Zinn one of the western fathers of mindfulness he defines mindfulness as: an awareness that arises through paying attention on purpose in the present moment non-judgmentally.”

On this episode of Practice Well(Being) we had a chance to sit down with Amaris Vicari lawyer and founder of The Beneficial Element, where she works with organizations and individuals to empower them to apply mindfulness and emotional intelligence to thrive.  

If you have been wondering how you might employ mindfulness to improve your performance and life this is the conversation for you. We covered topics like:  

• Why mindfulness is more than meditation.
• The power of mindful listening.
• Integrated mini-mindfulness practices you could deploy today with no extra time. 

We also talked about the amazing research-supported benefits of mindfulness to our performance, our physical health and even the way our brains are wired and how having a regular mindfulness practice is an empowering way to be proactive in a reactive world.  

You can also find Amaris LinkedIn, or at her website www.beneficialelement.com               

You can connect with Nita on LinkedIn.

You can connect with Becky on LinkedIn, Instagram or at her website – www.untanglehappiness.com

Transcript

In today's episode of practice wellbeing, we're going to be diving into a discussion of mindfulness with our special guest Amaris Vicari. Amaris is a former practicing attorney, turned expert in all things mindfulness. And she's also the founder of the beneficial element, where she works with organizations and individuals to empower them to apply mindfulness and emotional intelligence.

So they can. Even if you aren't sure that mindfulness is for you. Spoiler alert it's for everyone. This is a conversation worth listening to as Amaris really offers ways that you can use mindfulness techniques to empower yourself to be proactive in a reactive world and who doesn't need or want that.

Especially right now. Let's get started.

We're excited to be here. We're excited to have you here, Amaris. And I'm particularly interested in this topic because I feel like I'm a late comer to the mindfulness space, but I'm so appreciative of everything that mindfulness has done for me and sort of have become that, you know, a little bit more of an apostle than I started at.

So especially excited for this conversation. And then to dig into a little bit more of how you have gone from lawyer. To working in the space of mindfulness with individuals and organizations. And so maybe that's the right place to start this conversation, which is, tell us a little bit about your background, your story, and how it evolved into your current work.

Sure. I can do that. And thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here as well. I think it would probably be helpful to take a step back prior to the intersection of mindfulness and work for me. Uh, I'm very open about. The fact that I actually started practicing mindfulness over 25 years ago. Uh, when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, when I was in high school and she has since had a very successful recovery, she's still alive and well, but I was really amazed through her journey, particularly when her outcome was unclear, just her ability to handle her journey with positivity and grace and this ability to stay centered.

And as part of her treatment and recovery, she participated in a mindfulness and meditation group out of Georgetown univers. And she taught me some of those skills. It helped me through my part of that journey immensely and sort of throughout my life during, I would say big events, I kept returning back to some of those skills.

I really felt like it had helped me in the same way. Stay centered, less stressed. Uh, the ability to kind of put things in perspective, if you will, and then cut to, uh, my life as an attorney and taking the bar and you know, all of the stress that's involved in the, the legal profession. I definitely started practicing it when things would get stressful, but it really didn't land as a daily practice for me until I remember it was 2009 and I was working on a multimillion dollar engagement at work and, um, in the corporate world.

And I had just about finished the project in the project. Deadline was. Two days before the due date of my first child, I now have three little girls. So needless to say, I was a little bit stressed out. And, um, for the reason of taking care of myself and her, I, I didn't really want that stress anywhere around me or in my body.

And so I started practicing regular and I really noticed a difference in my work and, and my work life balance when I started practicing daily. So that just made me become really curious about the, what I was seeing with some of the customers that I was working with in terms of. Mindfulness in the workplace.

And that eventually led me to a host of, I was very thirsty for information. I'm very passionate about this topic, a whole host of certifications. And, um, primarily the one that, that I share a lot in the corporate world and with attorneys is. The, uh, certification around search inside yourself leadership Institute, which was an Institute born from Google's mindfulness program, essentially.

And, um, since then, I've also been fortunate enough to really hone in most recently on the intersection of mindfulness and work and how it can actually cultivate compassion and compassionate workplaces. So my Bo I'm a certifi. Ambassador of might have compassion, implied compassion through Stanford, seek care.

And, uh, that's been a wonderful journey as. Compassion is not a word that you, you think of when you think of work, right? Like, or most of us maybe don't. So I love that you're playing in that intersection, cuz I think it's actually critically important that we bring compassion to all of our lives, but particularly at work.

But before we go there, I have a foundational question that isn't on need as list. So it might be a little bit unfair, but I wanna ask it anyway. And my question is this, because this is something that I had to evolve into is what is mindfulness? Very good question. And that is a great place to, to start.

It's a really big word. It's a really big buzz topic. And I will say that I feel like mindfulness, the definition is nuanced and it changes a bit depending on the environment. So when we focus a little bit more and hone on mindfulness in the workplace, There's a definition that I love that comes from John Katzin, who is sort of known as one of the Western fathers of mindfulness.

He does a lot of work in the healthcare arena and he defines mindfulness as an, um, awareness that arises through paying attention on purpose in the present moment. Non-judgmentally and I know that that's a lot to take in. It's also been defined simply as being present. But the reason I love that definition is that I really like the component of it being non-judgmental.

And it's this idea of an awareness that arises when you're, you're paying attention to the present moment. So that in a nutshell is, is a little bit about how I like to define mindfulness. Can you talk about that though? Um, cuz you just, you really kind of struck a chord with me, both with your personal story, which is, you know, Very similar to my own in terms of my own mother.

So I can completely, um, relate. And it resonates so much with me to hear you talk about that. But when you were describing how you sort of resorted the, the learnings that you had around mindfulness and that you resorted to this as your kind of coping mechanism throughout going through that experience, but then also in future experiences in your life, it makes me kind of.

To the idea or the quote around, like we don't rise to the level of our goals. We fall to the sort of the level of our systems or our training. And this is you having sort of built a training for yourself around mindfulness. So, you know, I know that a lot of the folks who are listening right now are often ones who experience, um,  you know, periods of high stress on a fairly frequent basis.

So what does that look like from the standpoint of, you know, how do you train yourself in mindfulness, I guess, how do you train yourself to be present? Yes, it is a difficult thing in today's world, especially, and the way that our brains are wired, right. We have to a certain extent, some of our brain is, you know, still.

Sort of a primitive being in a, in a modern world. Uh, so there's, there's a lot there to unpack, but essentially the reason that mindfulness is called a practice is because it's practice. It's something that I think is some people might say, oh, that sounds really easy. And it's, I would say more that it's simple, but it's not necessarily easy.

Like any habit, like any practice, it does take time. It does take, um, you know, dedication and, and somewhat of a commitment. I will say. Even if it's just a few minutes a day, I think that that can really make a difference. Um, science also actually kind of backs that up that short daily doses can actually make a, a big improvement around stress management and some of the physiological changes, um, both from, uh, you know, just our bodies, but then also the changes in the brain that they're seeing now, um, through some fascinating studies.

So really that's the short answer. It's, there's no secret. It really is just practice. It's just integrating it into your day. I will also say. You know, for me, mindfulness initially was coming from more of a reactionary point, right? Like, I, I was stressed, there were big life events and I would turn to it.

Um, once it became a daily practice, it's, it's almost like surviving versus thriving. Right. Mm-hmm  I also am able to, to, I feel better deflate the balloon, both in my emotional landscape and my, and in my resiliency. By practicing every day. It's like, it's almost like the, the Ketle doesn't necessarily get too hot all the time.

Right. And I'm human. There's definitely larger life events, but I feel like it just helps me navigate that landscape a little bit better. So what I like about the definition of mindfulness that you gave us is that as a lawyer, it's got elements , you know, but why I'm saying that is because as I'm looking at it and I wrote down paying attention on purpose to the present moment nonjudgmentally right.

And those are four things. Then I, as you were talking about, you know, stress and mindfulness, the, the, you know, what you just said, I was thinking, well, what in our lives programs us to do to meet those four element. There's almost nothing about the way that we live in a modern world that encourages attention on purpose.

And it's really, I mean, attention, fine. Like everything's demanding our attention all the time, but on purpose, present moment. Non-judgmentally where do we get that? If we don't give it to ourselves, right. And so I don't know that I have a question except to just highlight, like how important developing a personal practice and, and that's what sold it to me, right.

Is this notion of training my focus because the world isn't gonna train it for me. Yes. And that's one of the things I really love about the work that I do. I've done so much work with a variety of audiences from elementary school children to journalists who cover war zones. The one thing I will say is that, you know, when people start practicing mindfulness, it really.

Um, it's empowering. It's a way to be proactive in a reactive world. And you compound that with the pandemic and with, with everything we're going through, uh, this ability to choose what we pay attention to and not just choose what we pay attention to, but there's also this lovely element of mindfulness that you begin to notice how you're paying attention in the moment as well.

Those components when practice regularly, you know, it's, it's like anything else, it's a skill. And, um, I think it's something that's, that's really important in today's world. Yeah. And on a lot of levels, like for me, that also just struck a chord because it's like, this is something where it feels. Still like we're constantly moving in this space of uncertainty that this gives you something that you have some element of control over.

I like that you said that this was proactive and that you can choose what you pay attention to. And I can also see how, when you are intentional about where you're, you're placing that attention and purposeful about where you're placing that attention that it has, then the power to impact. The others who, where that attention is placed, right?

Like the experience, um, Becky and I have talked about this before the experience of me paying attention on purpose. In the present moment in this conversation, for example, is felt differently by you. If I am doing that than if my attention is diverted elsewhere, it's like palpable feeling amongst the people that you're around and that then has the power to, you know, impact them in a way that they, for lack of a better way of putting this like, kind of pay that forward in their other experiences as well.

It's really interesting. It, it actually brings me to, well, a couple of questions when we talk about like kind of a mindfulness practice, I can imagine that that would be something that is obviously different for different people. And for a very long time, I had an association of mind as being synonymous with meditation.

And maybe it is for some people some of the time, but how do you respond to that? Like, does this go, is it meditation? Does it go beyond meditation? Is it something different than meditation? Like what, how would you define it? Yes. Uh, it's a big question. I think that the way that I would define it would be more by example.

So yes, meditation is a component, a big component of mindfulness. And it's a specific kind of meditation. I would also say there's many, many different kinds of meditations out there, but when we talk about paying attention on purpose in the present moment, it's almost like an integrated way of living.

There's these integrated practices you can do to pay attention in the present moment. Mindfully, you mentioned conversations. A lot of the workshops I do, I would say actually the majority of them, particularly in the corporate world, Inc. Uh, a mindful listening exercise where you're really, you know, giving that person your full attention, you're noticing when you've kind of wandered off or you're oh, uh, these are all the things I'm gonna say in response, you know, and, and then you just come back, right.

You're coming back to what you're intending to pay attention to. So that concept, but the other integrated practice, you can do anything mindfully really. Uh, I actually was fortunate enough to listen to, um, John Kason years ago at a conference. And one of the things he said was mindful vacuuming, right? So if you're sitting present with vacuum with doing the dishes, walking is one of my favorite paying attention to your senses.

Uh, I work with an attorney who, um, Was with the school district. And she was seeing a lot of really difficult cases and, um, you know, the workload and the, the stress of her work generally, but then also some of the sensitive things she was seeing, she would just take a moment. She feels that she felt like I didn't, I don't have time, like 10 minutes in my day sometimes to sit and meditate, but she had this beautiful tree outside her window and she would just take time to connect to the present moment.

And so much of what we're stressed about. I would actually say in the modern day, in most people, not everyone. What we're stressed about is we're worrying about things in the future, or we're ruminating about the past. It's not really what's in front of us. So she would use her senses as a way to ground.

And I told her, I was like, that's actually a, a mini meditation, right. But it's a mindfulness practice. It's a way to reenter into what's in the present moment. So these integrated practices are ways that you can practice mindfulness and ultimately lead a mindful life. Mindful eating is another really big.

mm-hmm,  really tasting all the ingredients and that first bite of food, noticing the temperature, the texture, oftentimes we're just eating and we're going, or we're walking or driving and we get to where we're going. And we have no idea how we got there. So really paying attention to what we're doing when we're doing it.

Becky, you and I have sort of had this conversation. I think in one of our first discussions, um, on the podcast, it reminds me still of this. Of this notion of when you, when you can get yourself, like, let's say you're in a space of stress and you decide to you consciously say, okay, I'm going to take a moment and I'm gonna be mindful about this present moment.

It enables you to. Get to a place of curiosity because you sort of start asking yourself naturally questions about what am I noticing? What do I smell? What do I taste? What do I see? What do I experience in this moment? And when you're in that space of curiosity, that is the tipping zone into a positive, emotional state.

The other thing that strikes me about what you said is that the only thing we can actually ever be completely sure of is the present , you know, you said it, people are ruminating about the past or thinking about the future. Well, the future is unknowable and the past, we only know through our own recollection, which we all know is imperfect.

And so the only truth we can ever have right. Is in the present moment, which is why it's such a powerful place to come back to and to reconnect to. Yes. And I also think that there's, um, You know, I mean, studies, you show from a focus and attention perspective, practicing mindfulness, this ability to like we're so distracted and it's so easy for our minds to just go where we weren't intending.

And bringing them back and that practice can also help with a present moment, not just with what's happening around us, but you know, with what we're intending to work on or with what we're intending to do with who we're intending to be present with. I know with my kids, that's a really big one. So, um, all of it, it's all, it's all really connected and I love this, this element of.

The humanness of it all in addition to, you know, these practices and, and being at work and things of that nature. Yeah. And I think, I mean, I can just speak from my personal experience that as I have engaged with mindfulness on a more consistent basis, I notice that I notice it's now a tool in my toolbox.

It's not just about mindfully, you know, Medi it's not about meditating. It's not even about mindfully doing any activity, but I it's a tool I can deploy when I feel that, oh, my focus is slipping and I need to be present in this moment. I know how to do that for myself now in a way that I didn't know prior to starting that kind of array of practices.

Yeah. So, I mean, I, I guess I have a question, you know, for that, I'm hoping that you can kind of respond to for the broader audience too. Who's kind of thinking about this in the context of work. So if we kind of kind acknowledge like, yes, this is beneficial to the individual and, um, you know, how does this.

How does this sort of culminate and come together in terms of impacting an organization that embeds this in the way that they work? Yes. Oh, this is, um, you've hit one of the reasons that I'm so passionate about this work, because it's what I love to see are these tangible differences, both at an individual level and at an organizational level.

I will say that the, um, applications of mindfulness are significant in terms of the, the variety of areas that we can cover or touch on. So there's stress management, there's emotional, intelligent, and, and emotional management. There's compassion, compassionate workplaces that, you know, cultivate empathy.

And ultimately psychological safety. There's, there's a lot of different areas. Resiliency is another really big one. Of course that's come up. Um, a lot these days, there's a lovely intersection, um, between, uh, working with unconscious bias and mindfulness, right? So at an individual level, um,  it's there's studies out there that show, yes, it improves sleep quality.

It improves ultimately actually productivity. It includes, um, uh, Inc or decreased pain. So there's, there's things that will naturally help somebody at work and in the work environment, if you're sleeping better, if you have greater wellbeing, you two, probably more than anyone know. Um, the impacts of that at an individual level.

Uh, so I will say that units from that, and yes, there, there have been studies that show like, oh, okay. Well, from a cost perspective, that also helps us, right. If we have happier employers, greater retention, um, less healthcare, um, to worry about if people are doing this more preventatively, but from an organizational level, the, a lot of the, uh, interesting, I'd say most recently the most interesting.

Area is around compassion and compassion in the workplace. Monica war line is an author and, um, she works out of Stanford, sea care. And one of the things that she's, uh, she's done a book, the name escapes me right now of, um, compassion in the workplace. And there is these areas that they've kind of identified and this growing body of work.

Where from an organizational level, there's these strategic reasons that you would wanna bring mindfulness into the workplace? And when I say mindfulness and compassion, what I mean is what I like to work with in my programs is we know that compassion is important. We know it's a trait, but how do you actually cultivate it?

And that's where mindfulness based compassion comes in. So I wanted to level set that intersection right there, but, um, psychological safety it's been shown to build psychological safety. It's been shown to, um, which Google did a study years ago. And I think a lot of people in the workplace are, um, that are interested in organizational impact.

They did a study a while ago that said, you know, we really wanna figure out what makes a successful team, a really stellar team. And they looked at teams of engineers, sales, people, leadership, you name it. They looked across the board and there were definitely identifiable traits in these teams. But the number one thing, if you will, that, uh, really drove these seller teams for psychological safety.

And when you think about it, it makes sense this per this idea that you're allowed to fail, you're allowed to speak freely. It really enables any team. Um, so the importance of psychological safety at an organizational level, also from a leadership perspective is extremely important. It also, um, this compassion and, and you know, the work I do this mindfulness based compassion enables greater service and care of qual and quality.

When you think about the fact that you are practicing. This idea of understanding where the other person's, how the other person feels so empathy. But then I like to say compassion or that phrase, empathy, compassion is empathy in action. So it's this idea of understanding how the other person feels, but then this strong, selfless desire to help that person or to help you can imagine the impact that that has, um, on the service and care, there was also increased trust, which enabled greater cooperation.

Increased engagement, which is a big one right now. So a reduction of fatigue and burnout, this whole is great resignation and everything that we're hearing about with people, um, and, and burnout and evaluating that in their lives. There was also an increased attachment and commitment, which enabled employee retention.

So all of these things at an organizational level impact, and like I mentioned, there are studies that have kind of monetized some of it, but in the big it's really, uh, a wonderful, uh, thing to implement. I will also say that as. More unofficially. What I see a lot of the workplaces, particularly being in the, the bay area where things are more progressive.

There's a lot of startups, a lot of the things that are starting to attract these younger generations are not, you know, they don't want the ping pong table. That's gonna keep them at work longer and the free food they want the wellbeing mm-hmm . And so enabling them with these types of programs and this type of environment is extremely attractive.

Sure that makes a lot of sense. So I have a question, mindfulness based compassion. What does that look like? Can you give me like a  something just like a hair more tangible. Sure. Yeah. So when we think about the idea of not just cultivating what we're paying attention to. But how we're paying attention.

That's where empathy and compassion really come in. And there are some actually, like there are some meditations and mindfulness exercises and mental exercises you can do that have been shown from a neuroscientific perspective to grow the areas of the brain associated with empathy and compassion, which is fascinating.

But more than that, I think it's experiential, right? So mindfulness based compassion literally looks like meditations mental exercises and these integrated practices that I spoke of, of actually practicing consciously practic. Compassion and empathy in the workplace, in the big, that's what it looks like.

Okay. Thank you. Something that, you know, just all of the things that you just sort of said when you were talking, it just makes me, it makes me think about, um, I've been doing, having a lot of conversation recently about future of work and how, um, human skills are the skills of the future. That's how we innovate.

That's how we're gonna solve complex problems. That's how we're going to be, you know, figuring out, um, you know, what, what's gonna happen far beyond a time that we can see right now. And what we know is that. Humans are the only ones who can really show true, like connection and empathy and courage machines.

Can't do that. That's a human thing. And so I think what I'm like what my key takeaway from what you are saying and everything that you've said in today's discussion is around how you're kind of optimizing. Human skills through the practice of mindfulness. Absolutely. Yes. And when we talk about, uh, mindfulness in these nuanced applications, again, there's some neuroscience there.

That's kind of cool, which is. Uh, mindfulness has been shown again, just generalizing some of the studies to increase self-awareness increase emotional regulation and emotional management, and also, um, increase, focus and attention. So when we talk about the human element, you know, those are kind of in the big, and, and as I mentioned as well, This ability to actually empower people with specific practices they can do, um, throughout their day to actually become more empathetic, become more compassionate, become more emotionally intelligent.

This is where the, I think the power of these programs and the power of integrating this really comes in. And to your point, I mean, it's also a ripple effect, right? If you have a toxic work environment, If you have a stressful work work environment, if you encourage in a work environment, I see this a lot in journalism where they wear their stress as a badge of honor, the longer hours, the harder they work, you know, it's and now lawyers never do that.

Yeah. Yeah. Never lawyers never, ever do that.  uh, yeah, exactly. So, you know, just. That's the ripple effect. Right? But if we, if we start with the human element and we allow people to be human at work and we practice empathy and compassion, there's a lot of barriers that you can break through with bias, with really understanding and be able to work with the growth mindset Compassion's been associated with the growth mindset.

So the human elements and, and the permission and, and this idea, particularly, I think with everyone been in leadership, if, if there's. Someone who is actively practicing compassionate leadership and genuinely trying to understand how other people and their employees are feeling. And then again, this strong, selfless desire to help.

And that doesn't mean being soft. That doesn't mean that there's necessarily gonna be a solution, but this understanding, I think it moves mountains. Love it. Well, this has been just a, it's been the kind of conversation where I've lost track of time because I've been focusing on what we're saying. Um, which means it's been a good one.

So, um, we really appreciate it. We like to wrap up each episode with what we call a couple of rapid fire questions. So looking for short, quick answers from you. It's nothing scary or hard. Um  and so we'll do a couple of those and then we'll give you a chance to tell people where they can connect with you.

I'll pick one rapid fire. Anita, you can pick one. How does that sound? Okay. You go first. Um, so mine is. What is one of your favorite resources? It could be a book. It could be a podcast. It could be a tool. What is one of your favorite resources? My first answer is nature.  ah, yes, I like it. Yes. So we'll, we'll go like that, but I, if people are looking for an app, I do love insight timer.

Perfect. Yep. That's come up a couple times recently in conversation and it's one I haven't tried, but nature is an amazing resource and it is uniquely all around us. Right. So I love it. So, um, in the spirit of mindfulness, I am going to ask you, what are you most grateful for either today or in this moment?

Ah, in this moment, I'm really grateful for my family. Particularly we had a couple cases of COVID. They were all mild, but yes, I'm grateful for my family right in this moment. And I think in the big as well, I'm very grateful for the work that I do and talking to you two and reinforcing that. Oh, that's great.

Thank you so much, Ann Marie, it was so great talking to you today. It's always, I always get so much, um, out of our conversations and you're such like a calming force for me in my life. So I really appreciate you taking the time today. Yeah. Thank you. And before we sign off, will you tell our listeners where they can find you to learn more about what it is that you do or if they have questions?

Sure. Yes. Uh, you can reach me. You can connect with me on LinkedIn. I always am. Again, I'm super passionate about this topic. I love to geek out about the science. So if anybody would like to connect on this topic or is interested in the work that I do, you're welcome to find me there. You can also go to my website, www.beneficialelement.com to find out more about me.

Awesome. And the, uh, organization. Perfect. And we will put links to both of those in the show notes. So we'll make it real easy. If you're listening and wanna find them, you can look in the show. Well, thank you again for being here and thank you listeners for tuning in, and we, uh, look forward to seeing you virtually next time.

Thank you. Thanks Amaris. Thanks Becky. Hi, this is Becky. You can connect with both me and Nita on LinkedIn links are in the show notes. We would love to hear from you. If you've got a topic in the wellbeing space that you'd love for us to take on, let us know. We're always curious. We love to learn, and we love to do the legwork for you.

And finally, if you're enjoying the show, please leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform.